so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
