I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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