The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
