I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize