Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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