I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
