i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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