he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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