At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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