which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
