only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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