I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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