Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
