She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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