it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
