DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
