It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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