Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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