If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
