so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
time to smoke my breakfast
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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