i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
