If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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