no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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