So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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