Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
