I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
