Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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