Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
