take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize