even my farts smell like vagina
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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