garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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