i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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