Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
