she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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