I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
nutella sex= disaster
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap