my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.