you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
