you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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