oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
These tits shall not be calmed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
