yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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