I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
