Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
