Betty ford says i'm here all night
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
