i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
