Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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