What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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