Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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