i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize