Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
