I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
