I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
