No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
