u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
