Your face is a jimmy john
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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