So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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