I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
