She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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