I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
