Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize