I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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