I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
